Breaking Down the Douche - AlienReviews.com

Breaking Down the Douche: Breaking Down the Douche

Dan: It's been a while Al...

Al: Yes but can you blame Al??? We meet in sun-tacular Cabo San Lucas after meeting Dan in soggy Seattle are for weeks and it is grand. We have great time meeting low intelligence individuals that provide hours.....NAY!!! DAYS worth of entertainment value.

Dan: Yeah, it was pretty awesome in Cabo.

Al: Then you return to wet bath towel known as Seattle and ask Al to leave sun, Cabo, wabo and two-for-one happy hours????

Dan must be retarded - Cabo is great place and Al is true to Al word that Al would not return to Seattle until Seattle could muster out 4 straight days of rain free sun.

True to my word - Al is here...until it rains again in Seattle, then Al is off to more time share presentations that will yield 1 bottle of mid level tequila, free true Mexican breakfast, two-for-one Happy Hours and of course, the top reason for visiting over rated tourist sun locations - El Douche, which is Spanish for..................The Douche.

Dan: Wait - so you liked the Douche Bag we met and left to wander aimlessly and drunk in down town Cabo??

Al: Once again Dan and human Earth peoples easily expose their short-sightedness. El Douche and the El Douches across the world are not to be ostracized but rather embraced in social settings, especially those involving odd's increasing liquid elixir alcohol??

Dan: But that guy was a total kiss ass who fell apart after Dos Equis number 4 and Aha Toro Tequila shot #1. The guy was not only, "That Guy" in terms of stupid things to say but when he went over the edge, he completely shut down!! No words at dinner, no dancing at El Squid Row and then he completely disappeared....WITHOUT PAYING THE TAXI BACK TO THE HOTEL LIKE HE PROMISED!!!

Al: Let Al ask Dan this: How many times did you laugh to yourself after replaying simple sound bites of the day in your head, such as:

"Yeah, I used to work out super hard core and was pretty huge. Hell, I even thought about juicing, but instead I got laser hair removal on my stomach. It turned out ok but I'm working with my lawyer on this S" - El Douche's procedure results went so wrong that it looks like a family of cats threw up on his stomach - half of them throwing up hair balls, the other half throwing up goat cheese.

"You have amazing toes" - El Doche in a drunken haze after his last shot of Tequila......talking to Dan lady companion.

and the list can go on and on and on and on Dan. The main point is, Douches are great accessory to social gatherings:

They do not necessarily make your gathering any better, they do not necessarily ruin it either BUT they provide 10 fold PLUS entertainment value for the following 5-65 days in recalling their every Douche bag move. A REAL positive return on investment.

So this is to you El Douche (real name hidden to protect identities but rhymes with Steven - never really caught the last name)) - may you continue creating real entertainment value to all those you encounter in a social setting 24 hours after your exit via your less than odds increasing actions in social settings, most likely stemming from much cooler, better looking sibling, a higher than normal interest in Japanese anime at an age of 30+ and a much lower than normal self confidence condition.

You TRULY take one for the team and don't even realize it.

Dan: Wow, that really makes me think about El Douche differently and with that here are some Douches that don't get their well deserve credit for their contributions to small talk and laughter. Admit it, you like talking S about them....

5. K-fed - such a douche that he actually made money off it from the wife and a commercial about his douchieness!!

4. Paris Hilton - When the Douche meets VD. Also, what does she even do???

3. Insert one of your co-workers here.....

2. Insert one of your significant other's friends here....

1. Yep - you guessed it....

Rob Schneider south park movie ads

Who are your top Douches?? Feel free to include first and last names for added dramatic effect!

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