Al: Yes but can you blame Al???
We meet in sun-tacular Cabo San Lucas after meeting Dan in soggy Seattle are
for weeks and it is grand. We have great time meeting low intelligence
individuals that provide hours.....NAY!!! DAYS worth of entertainment
value.
Dan: Yeah, it was pretty awesome in Cabo.
Al: Then you return to wet bath
towel known as Seattle and ask Al to leave sun, Cabo, wabo and two-for-one
happy hours????
Dan must be retarded - Cabo is great place and Al is true to Al word that Al
would not return to Seattle until Seattle could muster out 4 straight days
of rain free sun.
True to my word - Al is here...until it rains again in Seattle, then Al is
off to more time share presentations that will yield 1 bottle of mid level
tequila, free true Mexican breakfast, two-for-one Happy Hours and of course,
the top reason for visiting over rated tourist sun locations - El Douche,
which is Spanish for..................The Douche.
Dan: Wait - so you liked the Douche Bag we met and
left to wander aimlessly and drunk in down town Cabo??
Al: Once again Dan and human
Earth peoples easily expose their short-sightedness. El Douche and the
El Douches across the world are not to be ostracized but rather
embraced in social settings,
especially those involving odd's increasing liquid elixir alcohol??
Dan: But that guy was a total kiss ass who fell apart
after Dos Equis number 4 and
Aha Toro Tequila shot #1. The guy was not only, "That Guy" in
terms of stupid things to say but when he went over the edge, he completely
shut down!! No words at dinner, no dancing at El Squid Row and then he
completely disappeared....WITHOUT PAYING THE TAXI BACK TO THE HOTEL LIKE HE
PROMISED!!!
Al: Let Al ask Dan this: How
many times did you laugh to yourself after replaying simple sound bites of
the day in your head, such as:
"Yeah, I used to work out super hard core and was pretty huge. Hell, I
even thought about juicing, but instead I got laser hair removal on my
stomach. It turned out ok but I'm working with my lawyer on this S" -
El Douche's procedure results went so wrong that it looks like a family of
cats threw up on his stomach - half of them throwing up hair balls, the
other half throwing up goat cheese.
"You have amazing toes" - El Doche in a drunken haze after his last shot of
Tequila......talking to Dan lady companion.
and the list can go on and on and on and on Dan. The main point is,
Douches are great accessory to social gatherings:
They do not necessarily make your gathering any better, they do not
necessarily ruin it either BUT they provide 10 fold PLUS entertainment value
for the following 5-65 days in recalling their every Douche bag move.
A REAL positive return on investment.
So this is to you El Douche (real name hidden to protect identities but
rhymes with Steven - never really caught the last name)) - may you continue
creating real entertainment value to all those you encounter in a social
setting 24 hours after your exit via your less than odds increasing actions
in social settings, most likely stemming from much cooler, better looking
sibling, a higher than normal interest in Japanese anime at an age of 30+
and a much lower than normal self confidence condition.
You TRULY take one for the team and don't even realize it.
Dan: Wow, that really makes me think about El Douche
differently and with that here are some Douches that don't get their
well deserve credit for their contributions to small talk and laughter. Admit it, you like talking S about them....
5. K-fed - such a douche that he actually made money off it from the wife
and a commercial about his douchieness!!
4. Paris Hilton - When the Douche meets VD. Also, what does she even
do???
3. Insert one of your co-workers here.....
2. Insert one of your significant other's friends here....
